


Hiding Lonesome Truths

by aliceihavebeen



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Family, M/M, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Pre-Relationship, Sheith New Year, Suicidal Thoughts, pre-sheith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 23:14:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17334197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliceihavebeen/pseuds/aliceihavebeen
Summary: Keith has never felt lower. Another year older and he's never felt more worthless and alone. But almost as if destiny has a narrative written in the stars, Shiro saves Keith. Reminding him that he's not alone, not anymore.





	Hiding Lonesome Truths

**Author's Note:**

> Day 6: the past
> 
> Okie dokie. Went MIA while visiting friends this weekend, but gonna try and catch up.
> 
> Trigger warning: this contains suicidal thoughts/language.
> 
> Yeah I'm sorry for going there. It just kind of happened. Inspired by the song "WANTED U" by Joji

 

> _I'm on trial_  
>  _I'm not so good at hiding lonesome truths_  
>  _You see it on my face when I turn blue_  
>  _So punish me, I'm hanging on your noose_  
>  _So pull me up so I can breathe with you -Joji_

“Keith? What happened to you?”

Keith flinched. He’d hoped Shiro would be the one home. Not Adam.

“Shiro’s not here is he?” Keith asked, already knowing the answer.

“No, he’s not. Are you okay?” Adam asked with genuine concern as he reached out to brush the hair out of Keith’s eyes to further inspect his bruised face.

“I’m fine. Just, forget I came by okay.” Keith said, flinching back from Adam’s touch. He turned and ran before Adam could get to him. He heard Adam calling after him but he just kept going. He pulled the hood on his hoodie up and kept his head down. No one stopped him as he escaped down the hall. He passed one officer, but they didn’t stop him. Keith figured the higher-ups were tired of dealing with him. It’s like they were just waiting for him to run away. Disappear. Then he wouldn’t be their problem, their burden anymore.

Keith grit his teeth, he didn’t want to cry. Not anymore. Not ever again.

He managed to sneak off to the roof in a blind spot, something he had quickly perfected when he started. It wasn’t like he was going AWOL, he just needed to get away sometimes. Breath.

It was cold. It was always cold at night in the desert but it was late October meaning the chill was even starker compared to the solid heat of the day. But the cold was welcomed. 

Keith hugged his knees to his chest, resting his chin on his knees. His nose felt like it was going numb after about twenty minutes of staring out into the void. One grace Keith was given was that the sky was crystal clear that night, stars patterning the sky. But it was hard to see as a fresh crop of tears blurred the sky. If Keith could just disappear, become a star, a single point in space, he would.

“Keith?”

Keith’s heart went crazy at the sound of Shiro’s voice. Even though not even an hour ago Shiro was the person Keith had sought out. But now he was the last person Keith wanted to see.

“Hey.” Shiro said gently, dropping down to sit next to Keith. Keith tucked his bottom lip between his teeth that threatened to start chattering, turning his head away from Shiro.

“Adam said you came by. He said you looked hurt. Keith? You know I’m here for you.” Shiro said softly, he put a hand gently on Keith’s back, rubbing it in small circles. It wrecked Keith even worse. He tried to choke back the sobs but once he started he couldn’t stop.

“Keith?” Shiro said his name like a plea.

“I don’t want to be here anymore.” Keith sobbed, having a hard time breathing.

“At the Garrison? Keith, if you’re really not happy here then-”

“No. I don’t want to be here, anywhere, anymore.” Keith felt Shiro’s hand still on his back.

The panic rose. He should have kept his mouth shut. He shouldn’t have sought Shiro out. All Shiro had ever done was be there for him and support him. Shiro didn’t deserve this burden.

“I’m sorry, just forget I said that.” Keith tried, shaking his head. The next thing he knew he was being crushed against Shiro.

Keith sobbed even harder. If the floodgates weren’t open to begin with they were now. Shiro’s arms were warm and large wrapped around him and it felt like a lifeline. Keith gave into the terrible urge he would otherwise never consider indulging in and climbed into Shiro’s lap, wrapping his arms around him and hiding his head in his shoulder and crying his heart out. And Shiro welcomed it. He held Keith even tighter.

Keith lost track of time. He wasn’t sure how long they sat there on the roof, Shiro holding Keith as he cried till he had nothing left, his tears leaving his skin almost painfully cold. Once Keith began to wind down from the panic and catch his breath, he felt so ashamed. He didn’t want to lift his head. He didn’t want to face the disappointment, the pity. Shiro was the only person who’s opinion mattered to him. And now he knew just how weak Keith really was.

Shiro gently lowered the hoodie from Keith’s head and even more gently ran his fingers through the hair at the nape of Keith’s neck. His hand eventually landed on Keith’s neck.

“Hey, Keith, look at me.” Shiro said gently. When Keith wouldn’t Shiro continued, “Please.”

Keith took a shuddered breath and sat back, letting go of Shiro but not looking at him.

“What happened?”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t hit back.” Keith said with a sigh.

“Keith.” Shiro said firmly.

“No. I’m not telling you who hit me Shiro. You’re just going to get him in trouble and everyone will hate me more than they already do!” Keith pleaded, angry. But he was finally looking at Shiro. But that was suddenly worse.

Shiro looked so sad and confused.

“I know you’re just trying to help me, Shiro. But this isn’t something you can fix.” Keith said, looking away again.

Keith moved to get off Shiro, but Shiro held onto his shoulders even tighter.

“Then why did you come looking for me?” Shiro asked.

Keith was silent for a beat. It wasn’t fair to Shiro, either way. If he told him the truth or if he lied. Either was a burden on Shiro. But Shiro squeezed his shoulders, gently as if to remind him of his physical presence.

“Because you’re all I have.” Keith whispered, a fresh crop of tears threatening to fall. “You are the only person on this planet who cares about me. You’re the only one who’d-” Keith sobbed, “you’re the only one who’d miss me if I were gone.”

Shiro pulled Keith back to him, cradling Keith’s head on his shoulder. But the dam was broken and Keith couldn’t stop.

“I hate this day. It’s just a reminder of how alone I really am. How I shouldn’t even be here.”

“Keith, what do you mean this day?”

Keith heaved a sigh.

“It’s my birthday.” He whispered.

“What?” Shiro said like the word had been punched out of him. Keith leaned back in confusion and saw the wrecked expression on Shiro’s face.

“Oh my god, Keith. I’m so sorry, I didn’t even realize! I’m sorry. Shit, I can’t believe I forgot! I thought it was next week. I don’t know why the hell I didn’t double check. I’m so sorry!” Shiro pleaded.

Keith was in shock. Shiro seemed so upset by this.

“It’s okay. It’s not like I was expecting anything.” Keith said, trying to calm Shiro down. How they’d come full circle Keith didn’t know.

“Keith, no, it’s not okay. You’re family to me, I should have remembered.”

“Really?” Keith breathed, feeling shaky all of a sudden.

“Well yeah, I’m pretty sure I even had it written do-”

“No, I mean. Do you really think of me as family?” Keith asked, holding his breath.

“Well yeah.” Shiro answered easily, smiling at Keith like it was the silliest question he could have asked.

Keith wiped at the tears that were trying to start falling again, but he was smiling.

Something bloomed in his chest. He'd always looked up to Shiro, sure. Shiro was his ally, his role model, his friend. Shiro had so consistently, and so thoroughly believed in and supported him from the start. Knowing that Shiro cared enough about him to consider Keith his family gave Keith a warmth in his heart he hadn't known he needed so badly.

"Keith, I'm sorry that you've had to go through all of this on your birthday. Just let me know what you need. I want to help." Shiro said with genuine concern.

"You're here. That's all I really need." Keith said easily. He still felt a shadow of the all-consuming despair that had threatened him all day long, but the thing about Shiro was that he was like the sun- even the clouds couldn't keep some of that light from shining through. And Shiro always seemed to find him with that light.

“Hey, how about I smuggle you off base? We can go to the next town over and order the greasiest, fattiest food that would horrify Adam. Top it off with ice cream. Or cake. Or both!” Shiro suggested, becoming excited by his own proposal.

“Yeah,” Keith said smiling. “That sounds good.”

Shiro beamed, helping Keith up and pulling him into a hug once they were standing.

“But in all seriousness Keith, if you ever feel like this again, like you don’t want to be here,” Shiro said, the words sounding difficult for him to get out. “Please talk to me. Or Adam. We’re here for you, and we care about you so much. You're family Keith. And if you’re not comfortable talking to us the counselors on base are available at any time, just give them a call. There’s no shame in it. I’ve had to see a therapist before. As a matter of fact, I went a lot when I first started here. Can you promise me that? That from now on you'll reach out to someone?”

“Yeah.” Keith agreed softly, nodding his head against Shiro’s firm chest.

“Good. Now let's go consume three days worth of calories.”


End file.
